Happy Birthday, Mum.

Tomorrow marks the day of my Biological Mum’s birthday. 4th of May. After these 17 years, I had never once wished her happy birthday, nor visit her grave to give offerings, unfilial, I am.

I met my grandma alone this week. She had to pass me some stuff. Had a little chat over lunch, and suddenly I just brought up the topic of my Biological Mum, asking my grandma what did my Mum liked to eat when she’s still around. Her reply was “your mummy shui bian chi de la” directly translating it “your mum isn’t picky over food, she eats anything”. Ha, just like me. I feel that, I’ve got my Dad looks and my Biological Mum’s personality, no doubt.

Right on that moment after she told me, her expression changed. I see sadness, I can feel she’s fighting hard to control her tears. Those eyes, made me almost teared while eating, 17 years, and the pain is still there. I’ll never forget.

The above photo, was the one, and only one I’ve ever taken with my grandma for many years. She’s sick, very, taking those medicine everyday made her plump, and I can do nothing about it. I don’t want her to go, please don’t ever go.

Tears once again, flow down my eyes, Mummy, it’s for you.

Finally!

I’ve been wanting this for years. Now, I finally have it. YAY!

Specs:

32″ TV
Core2Duo 2.4Ghz
4GB Ram
Wireless Keyboard / Mouse
TV Tuner
etc..

I’m contented.

These few weeks has been okay for me, got ups and downs, but I’ll get over it (like I eventually always do) Friends has been good to me, knowing what I’m going through and not blaming me for the continuous rejection on gatherings.

BE BACK SOON

I just need a normal girlfriend.

We’ll just continue searching. I’ve lost all hope, all faith I ever had. One Month Left. I’ll make the best out of this one month. All I can do again, is turn around, walk away & pretend that I don’t love you. I’ve made up my mind, there’s no turning back. I don’t want to, but I have to, do it, for you.

You’ve been good to me, so you deserve better than this.

for her, i must. no more turning back tommy, no more turning back.

I bet you guys missed me! Couldn’t wait so re-uploaded my old site but now with a faster server and a new domain! Oh comeon, what’s with that face?

I’m heading to NS on the 13th June 2008, Tekong, for 3months. So you peeps, you guys, BETTER, and I say, YOU BETTER, miss me. Or I’ll come after you, oh yeah I’ll be nice, with a chopper.

For now, gonna go re-design my blog.

I’ll be moving to a new server, and sad to say, I’m taking away my blog for the time being. A new self-domain name will be replaced with my new blog. (www.tommyong.com, or something else) and I’m adding more features to the blog. So, I probably won’t be around for some time. If you guys miss me, find me on the msn: xlphastudio@gmail.com

I’m officially a total reject, from school, relationship and family. Why can’t our love overcome anything? Not even this. I believed in us, I have faith in us. Where’s my full of faith ahbel? I know this is the end. I have no say. Just because, I’m not able to. Cert & money. I’ll regret that I didn’t study well, didn’t come from a rich family. I’ve lost all faith and confidence I ever had. But the hurtful fact is, I’m gonna accept it. I have to. I don’t want to.

Goodbye ahda.

I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.

Here I am, long time no see? I bet you missed me.

Life has been pretty much good to me now, but I guess karma has been doing it’s work on me nowadays, again. I guess that’s what happens when you mistreat someone so bad.

I’ve always been fooling around, and yet the reason I give is “I’m just looking for the right one”. But who am I fooling. Now, I don’t even know what I’m saying is totally true. Sigh. But I guess that’s what everyone wants huh? To find the right one, love him/her, and live the rest of da life with no regrets.

I wanna love someone, who isn’t from some imaginary land, who’s truthful, makes me feel different (in a good way). But all these quality has never been found. Not even till now. Why must there be lies? why must humans feels, like how I’m feeling now, hurt.

I was here, for the first time, to really love somebody so much. But yet, you pushed me away. How much feelings do you really have for me? Why the continious lies? What wrong have I done to deserve all these?

I feel, when I thought I know you so much, know what kind of person you are, and all that just scattered, like a dream I’ve just woken up from, and I realize, It wasn’t true. I feel so lost, so scared, that I’ll fall into a bottom-less pit, never able to see the sun shine right on me again.

And guess what? The person who was there for me first thing in the morning. Wasn’t you. sigh. I guess everyone’s got their own principle.

I’m heading out, for some air.

Have you ever love somebody so much, it makes you cry? Have you ever needed someone so bad, you can’t sleep at night?